Though this saying varies depending on who says it, the
meaning of the saying remains unchanged from retelling to retelling. If you do
not give up some of yourself- if you do not conform, then you will eventually
be forced into submission from your opponent(s). Now, with that being said as
the basics for the saying, I am going to focus on the specific saying of the
one I quoted for purposes of this post.
When I was little, I was often told this by different
people. “Bend or break” they would tell me. I felt then that breaking was the
worst thing that could ever happen. Breaking denotes negative connotations, and
surely that could not be a path one would want to follow. Breaking also meant
passing the threshold of insanity and I, in my youth, had no inclination of
being thought of as ‘one of those people with a mental illness’.
But as I grew older, and I started finding my own way, the
old common sense saying took on a newer, deeper meaning to me. It is that
newfound meaning I learned so long ago that I will share with you now in hopes
that if you had not thought of it before, the breaking will now be slightly
more illuminating and less scary for you.
First, let us make sure we all understand what the first
part of the saying entails so there is no miscommunication based on
assumptions. “The branch that does not bend with the wind…”. In my mind the
branch is you, your neighbor, your friend, your child, your lover, etc…the
branch is all of us. Bending with the wind means conforming to the obstacles
around you, to go with the flow and do as the others do. That is to say, do as your peers, culture, religion, etc...expects of you. So put it in layman’s
terms “People who do not do as peers or cultures want them to do…”
Now, for the second part of the saying “…will eventually
break from the tree.” Eventually, obviously implies that one day it will happen.
I do not agree with this. Though the likelihood is great- not everyone will
break. To break implies many things. To break from one’s sanity or to become
mentally unstable. To break or become alienated or ‘excommunicated’ from their
roots. For myself, the tree is the roots. This can be a hard notion to wrap one’s head
around. Losing your roots or foundations means you could lose your friends,
family, religion, your personality or even your life.
When I say lose your personality, I mean that
in the sense as I knew it mostly as a child. If you do not conform, others will
force you to and in the process you’ll be beaten and broken and only half of
who you were, so it is best never to have that taste to begin with (which I no
longer believe to be true). So the new phrase becomes “People who do not do as peers or cultures want them to do, may someday leave their foundations.”
I learned to take a different approach. Why must breaking be
a bad thing? If you are at the point where the force of your oppressors can
break you- should you not embrace the break instead of letting yourself be
defeated by becoming as they are? Yes, you may well break away from the tree
that you hold dear- whatever form that tree may take in your life (that is to
say your comfort zone, your roots, your foundation), but what this saying fails
to point out is that breaking away isn’t the end of the world. Where one
breaks, another life can start and it paves the way for a better life. That
leaving of your roots or foundation or even comfort zones means finding new
comforts, new roots, new foundations.
So my new saying is this:
“People who do not do as peers or cultures want them to do ,
may someday leave their foundations and find new roots
to comfort them.”
If you do not conform, if you want your own life separate
from what others force on you- it means you must break away from those things
that hold you to that lifestyle of enslavement to their norms.Of course, no lifestyle should ever go against logical
governmental laws and you shouldn’t intentionally harm people in your quest to
be who you are, but sometimes- being who you are does mean leaving it behind
(at least in your personal life and free time). But leaving it behind is not
always a bad thing. You find people like yourself, you learn, you grow, you
love, and you move on. This is life. Let’s be more than poster children of
conformity. Let’s be us. We do it better than anyone else.
Spirituality is something that is
deeply ingrained in every living person, whether it be full of life or utterly nonexistent.
Each person has their own spiritual path be it Hinduism, Shintoism, Buddhism, Satanism,
Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Taoism, Paganism, etc… Some people also have no
spiritual path or preference at all and this is perfectly acceptable too.
So many, if not all, of the major
religions, have some traits in common and when thinking of religions it is
always best to focus on their similarities than their differences, as it causes
one to be more accepting and tolerant of that religion which is so seemingly
different form his or her own beliefs.
Now, when speaking of religion and
spirituality, it is always a good idea to remember that they- though compatible
and sometimes inseparable, are not the same thing- not exactly. A person can be
religious and not spiritual just as one can be spiritual and not religious.
When it comes to these terms and others to describe a person’s belief system we
must remember that everyone has their own path to follow and it is not our
place to judge it. Though cults can take the form of religions they are not the
same thing either and it is not wise to confuse the two, nor does it do a
service to those who practice the beliefs in question.
I know Satanists get a lot of bad
media, but they are no different than Christians. Each has good moral grounds,
each has spots that need working on. I myself am Pagan. People come in all
sizes, features, personalities- so why should our spiritual practices or lack
thereof be any different?
I am Pagan, but a very eccentric one (more of a pantheistic polytheist, if you want to be precise).
I draw my beliefs from many religious and lack thereof. Two of my favorite
people in history were Buddha and Gandhi. They teach my soul such lessons and
bring me such peace. They sing the wisdom of my heart and say the words of my philosophy.
Myself and my spirituality are not likely to ever part ways- no matter which
path I take or where I end up- my spiritual journey will always be there
guiding me. I embrace the darkness. I embrace the light. I embrace the good,
the bad, the things others may not want to see- I explore my soul and I embrace
tolerance, individuality, and acceptance of all people no matter race, gender,
sexual orientation, spirituality, etc…
Remember to follow the voice of your
heart in all you do. Follow the voice of truth, harmony, wisdom, love and peace.
These are the ingredients to happiness and understanding. If you are silent, it
does not mean you are weak. It means you are strong enough to rise above it,
strong enough to follow your heart. Strong enough to follow the way of love,
even when that way is not the easiest. We’ll fall often- no one is perfect. But
the point is to try. Understanding, tolerance, and peace within ourselves can
show us how to live and make us truly happy.
A conversation with my dear friend, Nightwind, spurred this
post. It was on the power of thought and
separating coincidence from the force of the mind.
I hold a belief that we create our own realities based on
what we think, what we feel, and how we view things. Buddha says it best with
the quote “Everything we are is the result of what we have thought. What we
think, we become.” Our thoughts are naught by energy our mind creates that
alters the physical world to reflect these unspoken energies.
So what is coincidence and does such a thing exist? I’m not
quite sure how to answer these questions. A coincidence would be, for lack of a
better way to put it-two or more things that happen which do not relate to the
other.
For example- you think of a song and few minutes later- the
song comes on. Is this coincidence or the power of thought in action (or even
some sort of extrasensory perception)?
Energy can be like a radar- a frequency. Our signals touch
things, bounce off of them, and their signals back to us. All things have energy, so it would not be
far-fetched to say that just as our energy sends and receives signals, so too
can we receive signals from others. Is this a form of telepathy that transcends
our comprehension? Maybe.
So, do coincidences really occur- or are all things one
large jig-saw puzzle and all pieces have a place? Or a domino effect where
every action (or thought) has a reaction? I’m not sure. I suppose it is up for
each person to figure out on their own.
For me, I do not view anything in life as being an accident
or coincidence. Everything happens for a reason and it is up to us to figure
out what that reason is and learn from it.
In society people are often told that they simply don’t cut
it. Either their attire is horrid, their body type is unacceptable, or for
whatever reason one can think of people can be unfit for ‘decent’ society.
Media often does not help the idea on what exactly human perfection is, causing
many people to have low self-esteem and have little to no confidence in their appearance.This can lead to destructive behaviors and disorders which is overall unhealthy- to both body and soul.
This should not be so. I often wonder why we let media and other
people tell us how we should look. People come in all shapes and sizes. People
have different tastes in hairstyles and attire. How is right and who is wrong?
All are right and no one is wrong. People should have the ability to decide for
themselves what is liked and who they are.
Oftentimes it is difficult to be yourself in a world so
unforgiving. It is easier to conform that to be happy with who you are, who you
were meant to be. What is lost in taking that path is the person you could have
been, the potential only you had. To be yourself takes great courage, but it is
a courage needed, valued, and looked up to by others fighting for the strength
to be who they are.
The media should not decide your image for you. Your weight, your height, your face, your
voice, your body type, your hair, your everything- it is all you. Not them.
Never be afraid to express yourself, no matter the opposition. It is better to
be who you are, than to go through your life trying to be what others expect.
No matter how hard you try to please everyone- everyone will always come up
lacking and someone will find something to fault you for- no matter what you
do. So please yourself, be happy with yourself. If you can’t be proud of who
you are, if you don’t know who you are- then how accurately can other people
know these things?
Be yourself. It’s the best thing you can do for your soul. Don’t
know who you are? There is no time like right now to find out.
Accept Yourself, because you are beautiful just being you!
Most people who know me know that I am bisexual. There are
many stereotypes about bisexuals that simply are not true. We are greedy, we do
not actually exist, we are confused, we need to pick a side, we are not able to
commit. These things are false. To say a person can only love one gender is
like saying one can only love someone with blue eyes. It is not greedy to be
able to fall in love and be attracted to more than one gender. If anything, it
shows how much love the person can possess.
What I hate to hear the most is that bisexuals do not exist.
We are simply confused individuals who need to choose a side and stick with it.
Sadly, this idea is very prevalent within the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and
Transgendered (LGBT) community. It is hurtful to know that the people who are
treated as second class citizens, the brunt of bullies and social opposition,
would choose to ignore, and scorn, the sexual orientation of one of their own,
so to speak (that is to say someone who is not heterosexual).
It is any wonder then, why heterosexuals do not often take
the LGBT community seriously when there is so much fighting within? Since when
did the community get so stuck up that only certain people who be this or that
and NO ONE could be this way or that way. It sometime seems as if the only
orientations welcome in the community is lesbian and gay, as Transgendered
often feels the brunt of ostracism even more acutely that bisexuals. Now would
challenge and say that transgender doesn’t belong because it is not a sexual
preference, it is a gender identity.
The thing about transgendered is it can (I say can, but it
depends on the person) take a transgendered a long time to understand that he
or she is in fact transgendered. They can often question their sexual
orientation and wonder where they fit in within a world that is cisgendered and
heretosexual. Lesbians, gays, and bisexuals can often feel the same volatile
emotions as we figure out who we are. Quite frankly, we are a minority and as
we have been the brunt of cruelty, I feel that the community should not embrace
cruelty to others, no matter their gender or orientation.
On this same score, heterosexuals need to stop the hate just
as much as some LGBT need to do. Countless lives taken, countless lives
destroyed, countless CHILDREN who have opts to end it rather than face another
day of bullying. It needs to end and it needs to end now. Religion and politics
are no reason to throw tolerance to the winds and treat people as if they were
scum or less than human. If a religion teaches hate and it is all you learn
from that religion, the religion and your thoughts on it need to be
reevaluated. If you practice hatred of others because a politician does, then
you need to reevaluate that politician and why you agree.
You can imagine how hard it can be for some bisexuals. Many
times bisexuals are not accepted in the LGBT community. Nor are bisexuals
accepted in a heterosexual community. We are neither. No, we are not half gay
and half straight. We are not some type of hybrid human. We are bisexual and
there is nothing hybrid about it.
Nor should we be forced to choose a side, which many
bisexuals end up doing through pressure from friends, family, and community.
But there is not choice. Being with a man for the rest of my life would make me
no more straight that being with a woman the rest of my life would make me a lesbian.
Does that mean I would cheat, lack commitment, and not be able to stay faithful
should I find someone I want to be in a relationship with?
Of course not. A person can be married and think someone is
attractive and might ponder the sexual possibility but never act on it. Most
(if not all) people do this already, namely with actors and actresses. It is an
attraction, not an impulse and a lack of control that causes us to have sexual
relations with every consenting adult we come into contact with.
I believe the biggest problem with the LGBT community, as
well as the heterosexual majority is that there is a substantial lack of
education. People make assumptions and snap judgments and never seek to discover
the truth. They believe what they are told and never seek to delve deeper.
We need to delve deeper and see everyone as humans with
emotions and stop hating each other based on our differences. A sexual
orientation (though from some I do believe it may be a preference) is not one a
person can change, at least I don’t believe it is. Bisexuals cannot change for
you or anyone and acceptance is easier on the soul than hatred is. We should
give it a try. It’s rather peaceful on the tolerant side of the fence. Will you
join me?
First of all, I hope that everyone had a wonderful World
Goth Day on the 22nd.
I wanted to continue my thoughts on morality and bullying,
but change it slightly, so I have decided to talk of Sophie Lancaster as well as hate and tolerance
in general.
I am sure many Goths are very familiar with the name of Sophie
Lancaster and her story, so I am not going to go into the greatest details on
it. The basics are that Sophie and her boyfriend, Robert, were walking in a
public park, were seen by a small group of teenage boys and attacked for their
attire, which was Goth in nature. First they attacked Robert, and Sophie,
pleading for his life, was attacked next. Her boyfriend lived, but she did not.
As far as I know, those involved still see nothing wrong with what they did and
felt it justified because they were Goths.
What is it about those who are different that instills so
much hate in people? Why are people so quick to be negative and harsh and
cruel, but hesitate to be kind and stand up in a respectful manner for what
they believe in?
Sophie and Robert did nothing to elicit any sort of crime
against them and no one deserves that sort of treatment regardless. But people
are quick to judge, quick to slander, quick to hurt. People often forget that
we are all human.
I have always found it sad that media and others tend to portray
Goth in such a negative fashion. More often than not, people have an image of
what Goth is that is not true and this image invokes hate which can lead to
horrible actions and deadly consequences. At this same time, I have found that
Goths tend to be passive and tolerant, accepting of others and their lifestyles
and beliefs. Not at all as we are portrayed by so many venues.
Then we have the very few that are role models in the media.
Take for instance Abby from NCIS. She is a good Goth role model. However,
though I love Abby’s character, she is used more often than not as a ‘kinky’
sex symbol.I don't exactly see this as a good thing. Not all Goths are sexy, and not all Goths are kinky in bed. Goth is a music subculture, not a BDSM, satanic orgy what consists of vampirism and loose morals. (not that there is anything wrong with BDSM, Satanism, orgies, or vampirism if that is what you like!)
What I find most depressing about the violence against
Sophie and Robert (other than Sophie’s death) is that Sophie pleaded to be left
alone. Even in such a perilous situation, she was pleading tolerance. And they
had not listened, they had not cared.
Hate is a terrible thing. It can eat the soul, destroy your
humanity. It can make you angry and lash out at others. Hate is not healthy and
one should always be mindful of the hate they carry and try to understand why
they carry it, and if possible rid yourself of it.
No one deserves to die for being different. No one deserves
hate. And no one deserves to be treated uncivilly. I think we, as people, have
largely forgotten what to do with humanity. All the fighting, all the senseless
deaths and intolerance. Sophie should never have had to die .she should not
have been a martyr for the Goth subculture. No one should.
I often think that people are so quick to hurt others and
cause negativity because it is easier than standing up for yourself and being kind.
But then, as mentioned in my last post, I also think there is a bloodthirsty part
of us that people simply long for and it shows every now and then in our
actions towards others and towards ourselves.
Let’s stop the hate, people. Because another instance like
Sophie Lancaster and Robert Maltby should never happen. Sophie’s mother started
the S.O.P.H.I.E Foundation in honor of her daughter. It S.O.P.H.I.E stands for “Stomp
Out Prejudice, Hatred, and Intolerance Everywhere.” I hope we can someday do
just that.
This post is dedicated to ALL who have been victimized.
I have long believed that everything
in life is relative, that is to say that what is true and acceptable for me,
may not be so for someone else. I feel that this relativism ‘law’ applies to
all things, however absurd a view that may be. I am entitled to that view; just
as someone else is entitled to refute it. After all, what is an opinion if not
blind faith in one’s own intelligence, however right or wrong?
When speaking of polar opposites, such
as right and wrong, one may- or even should-ask if such extremes should even
exist. After all, if everything is
relative, and nothing is wholly one way or the other, then surely there can be
no extremes. Everything is a grey area. In my mind, not even a purely
altruistic person exists, nor do I believe no one person ever alive – now, in
the past, or in the future, could ever be fully immoral in every regard. Every
‘evil’ person has good moments, pure moments, and every ‘saint’ has a tendency
to want to ‘sin’. In my mind, this is human nature. We cannot be only one way
all the time- the human race is too dynamic to stay so unfailingly constant in
personality.
If this be the case- where does
morality fit in, why should we be moral creatures, and what exactly does
morality mean? Questions like this could puzzle a person if one thinks on it
long enough, because, as stated above- these answers vary from person to
person…or does it- does it really?
I am not sure how many of you, my dear
readers, are familiar with Emile Durkheim or his work. I am utterly enthralled
by him. Emile Durkheim was a sociologist (the father of sociology, actually),
and a profoundly intelligent man. He wrote on topics such as suicide, religion,
crime, and morality.
Durkheim believed that people consist of two
warring halves. The individual self and the social self. We must give some of
our individuality to progress, attend to, and be a part of, the societies we
create.
According to Durkheim
“The painful
character of the dualism of human nature is explained by this hypothesis. There
is no doubt that if society were only the natural and spontaneous development
of the individual, these two parts of ourselves would harmonize….In fact,
however, society has its own nature….Therefore, society cannot be formed or
maintained without our being required to make perpetual and costly sacrifices.
Because society surpasses us, it obliges us to surpass ourselves, and to
surpass itself, a being must, to some degree, depart from its nature—a
departure that does not take place without causing more or less painful
tensions…” (Elementary Forms [1914] 1973, p. 163).
In this way, we think, on a basic
level, as a whole, or what he calls the collective consciousness. It is not so
unlike the Borg from the Star Trek series when you stop to think about it, or a
worldwide computer. We are individuals functioning and existing together,
creating our moral codes on a whole, cultural scale that can, for the most
part, appease everyone and brings us all together for a common goal- social
harmony and the idea of justice, regardless of individual opinion. The societal dictates outweigh the dictates of one and to appease the society we must abide by the moral laws therein.
Through this process of conforming, while at
the same time constructing social morality, one must realize that though
morality in and of itself is subjective on an individual level- on a cultural
level, basic morality holds true for most people and therefore people within a
given society are prone to the same moral ideas, for better or worse. So what
exactly is morality? I like to think of morality in the same context that
Durkheim defines crime:
“An act is criminal when it offends
strong and defined states of the collective consciousness. In other words, we
must not say that an action shocks the common consciousness because it is
criminal, but rather that it is criminal because it shocks the common
consciousness. We do not reprove it because it is a crime, but it is a crime
because we reprove it” (Durkheim, [1893] 1933: 80-81).
If you replace ‘(a) crime’ with immoral, then you have my definition of what exactly morality means to me. When something
offends, it therefore has the potential status of ‘immoral’ behavior.
Now, in one’s
life (be it only once or many times over) a person will come into contact with
a person or people who takes delight in being offensive in such an intellectual
manner as to seem logical, while at the same time proving his or herself to be
utterly devoid of all common dignity, decency and morality. Is the person(s) who behave in such a manner sociopathic, trolling the internet; cyber-bullying
or bullies other people in general? Should we even care?
We shouldn't care about the cruel ideas of others, but the sad fact is most people do. The likely answer is that we care
because it shocks. People flock to negativity and disgraceful gossip and
opinions just as the Romans flocked to the coliseum to watch people and animals
be tortured and killed, and why even today when some trauma happens be it
physical or emotional, people are apt to witness, rather than act and make the
situation better. It’s the shock, the understanding that it is exciting in its
misery and it gives us a glimpse of the bloodthirsty part of us that we tamed
long ago, but still has a tendency to rear its ugly head when the smell of
blood is fresh and near.
However ‘intoxicating’ such behavior
might be (either for perverse pleasure, pride, offense, or what-have-you,) the
behavior displayed by the creator(s) of the vulgarity is committing social
immorality. Why do I make such an extreme suggestion that the person(s) who
seek out others to hurt for spite are socially immoral- because it is a
cultural recognition, both in America and abroad, that bullying is wrong, can
be considered a crime, and for many- is considered an immoral act against other
individuals.
Such vocal vulgarity against others is
tolerated because of free speech, which I defend, even when I feel it best a
person not speak at all for the sake of both self-respect and the pain the person(s) inflicts knowingly on others (such as
Westboro Baptist Church and Terry Jones from Gainesville Florida). But, with
that said, exactly how far can one take free speech? When does free speech turn
into hate speech and when does hate speech become a crime? Now, in England,
there are laws in place for hate speech, but the defining of these laws are
lines I do not know personally. I also know that there are laws, again both in
America and abroad, in regards to bullying. I also know that Florida- the state
I live in- is one the states that have laws against cyber-bullying. I also
believe that the modern day laws need to catch up to modern day problems. The
bullying can go across countries, the hate speech can be vile, and the laws are
not enough for the socially immoral person(s).
Please note that I said socially
immoral (and even social morality is subject to change with each generation, taking for instance slavery, racial intolerance and the present day civil debate on marriage equality). I do not believe that any person can be utterly despicable in every regard, because, though I believe that people
such as this takes pleasure in being a menace to other people (either online,
in person, or both) I also do not believe the person(s) responsible to be
wholly immoral, evil, or what-have-you. Again, as said in the beginning, I do
not believe such singularity exists in the human nature. We all have moments of goodness, just as well all have moments of maliciousness.
But the doings of people who seem to do everything possible to make the lives of other people utterly miserable, begs the question: why do people prey on
others, especially over the internet where such attempts seems so cowardly and
contemptuous since the person(s) can hide behind their screen and never have to
face in person the ones that they slander?
According to Durkheim:
“The totality of
moral regulations really forms about each person an imaginary wall, at the foot
of which a multitude of human passions simply die without being able to go
further. For the same reason—that they are contained—it becomes possible to
satisfy them. But if at any point this barrier weakens, human forces—until now
restrained—pour tumultuously through the open breach; once loosed, they find no
limits where they can or must stop. Unfortunately, they can only devote
themselves to the pursuit of an end that always eludes them” (Moral Education,
p. 42).
“The notion of the infinite, then,
appears only at those times when moral discipline has lost its ascendancy over
man’s will. It is the sign of attrition that emerges during periods when the
moral system, prevailing for several centuries, is shaken, failing to respond
to new conditions of human life, and without any new system yet contrived to
replace that which has disappeared” (Moral Education: [1925] 1961, p. 43).
“Whenever moral rules lack the necessary
authority to exert, to a desirable degree, a regulatory influence on their
behavior, we see society gripped by a dejection and pessimism reflected in the
curve of suicides (Moral Education: [1925] 1961, p. 68)
“During periods when society is disorganized
and, as a result of its decadence has less power to exact the commitment of
individual wills, and when, consequently, egoism has freer reign—these are
calamitous times. The cult of the self and the notion of the infinite go
together” (Moral Education, p. 72).
Perhaps the ego or morality
compass has gone astray in people such as this. Maybe the person(s) have a lack
of compassion and empathy. Maybe the person(s) needs an ego check and needs barriers desperately. Maybe the person(s) are simply cowardly if
hiding behind a computer screen to fill whatever voids, physical constraints,
or emotional deprivations that he or she is enduring or has endured. Bullying
brings the person(s) empowerment, just as a raping gives the rapist the
euphoria of control. So long as the person is given credence, is gaining
attention, and getting his or her high through such means of intellectual degradation,
it will never cease and the person(s), like the gladiators of old, will have
the moment of glory, however vicious. But
never forget, for all who are victimized by those who cause harm that even a
gladiator can fall given the proper methods of extinction (such as ignoring,
kindness, understanding, getting law enforcement involved, etc…).
So, even though morality is relative,
we are still humans and share common ideas in the barest, most basic of
ideologies. Therefore, things such as respect, manners, and proper etiquette
will always be something I value, not only in myself, but in others. Those who
have little to no social or public morality are not worth my concern. Morality, though relative, is needed for
civil human discourse and daily ‘public’ functioning within a culture. We all
have our predispositions to do harm, but we also have predispositions to rise
above it. It is called cognitive ability and the evolutionary trait of being
able to think critically, subjectively, and socially. It is such a pity when
the person(s) behind the neurons and synapses uses the connections within the
brain to hinder rather than encourage in productive ways.
If you have been victimized by those who would do you harm, never let them rule your life- your decisions. Get help. Learn your laws. Please, do not ever let anyone break your spirit.
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