Bend or Break

         

   “The branch that does not bend with the wind, 

will eventually break from the tree.”

           Though this saying varies depending on who says it, the meaning of the saying remains unchanged from retelling to retelling. If you do not give up some of yourself- if you do not conform, then you will eventually be forced into submission from your opponent(s). Now, with that being said as the basics for the saying, I am going to focus on the specific saying of the one I quoted for purposes of this post.

            When I was little, I was often told this by different people. “Bend or break” they would tell me. I felt then that breaking was the worst thing that could ever happen. Breaking denotes negative connotations, and surely that could not be a path one would want to follow. Breaking also meant passing the threshold of insanity and I, in my youth, had no inclination of being thought of as ‘one of those people with a mental illness’.

            But as I grew older, and I started finding my own way, the old common sense saying took on a newer, deeper meaning to me. It is that newfound meaning I learned so long ago that I will share with you now in hopes that if you had not thought of it before, the breaking will now be slightly more illuminating and less scary for you. 

             First, let us make sure we all understand what the first part of the saying entails so there is no miscommunication based on assumptions. “The branch that does not bend with the wind…”. In my mind the branch is you, your neighbor, your friend, your child, your lover, etc…the branch is all of us. Bending with the wind means conforming to the obstacles around you, to go with the flow and do as the others do. That is to say, do as your peers, culture, religion, etc...expects of you. So put it in layman’s terms “People who do not do as peers or cultures want them to do…”

            Now, for the second part of the saying “…will eventually break from the tree.” Eventually, obviously implies that one day it will happen. I do not agree with this. Though the likelihood is great- not everyone will break. To break implies many things. To break from one’s sanity or to become mentally unstable. To break or become alienated or ‘excommunicated’ from their roots. For myself, the tree is the roots.  This can be a hard notion to wrap one’s head around. Losing your roots or foundations means you could lose your friends, family, religion, your personality or even your life.           

            When I say lose your personality, I mean that in the sense as I knew it mostly as a child. If you do not conform, others will force you to and in the process you’ll be beaten and broken and only half of who you were, so it is best never to have that taste to begin with (which I no longer believe to be true). So the new phrase becomes “People who do not do as peers or cultures want them to do, may someday leave their foundations.”

             I learned to take a different approach. Why must breaking be a bad thing? If you are at the point where the force of your oppressors can break you- should you not embrace the break instead of letting yourself be defeated by becoming as they are? Yes, you may well break away from the tree that you hold dear- whatever form that tree may take in your life (that is to say your comfort zone, your roots, your foundation), but what this saying fails to point out is that breaking away isn’t the end of the world. Where one breaks, another life can start and it paves the way for a better life. That leaving of your roots or foundation or even comfort zones means finding new comforts, new roots, new foundations.

          So my new saying is this: 

“People who do not do as peers or cultures want them to do , 

may someday leave their foundations and find new roots to comfort them.” 

          If you do not conform, if you want your own life separate from what others force on you- it means you must break away from those things that hold you to that lifestyle of enslavement to their norms.Of course, no lifestyle should ever go against logical governmental laws and you shouldn’t intentionally harm people in your quest to be who you are, but sometimes- being who you are does mean leaving it behind (at least in your personal life and free time). But leaving it behind is not always a bad thing. You find people like yourself, you learn, you grow, you love, and you move on. This is life. Let’s be more than poster children of conformity. Let’s be us. We do it better than anyone else.

Spiritual Acceptance

                  Spirituality is something that is deeply ingrained in every living person, whether it be full of life or utterly nonexistent. Each person has their own spiritual path be it Hinduism, Shintoism, Buddhism, Satanism, Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Taoism, Paganism, etc… Some people also have no spiritual path or preference at all and this is perfectly acceptable too.

                  So many, if not all, of the major religions, have some traits in common and when thinking of religions it is always best to focus on their similarities than their differences, as it causes one to be more accepting and tolerant of that religion which is so seemingly different form his or her own beliefs.

                  Now, when speaking of religion and spirituality, it is always a good idea to remember that they- though compatible and sometimes inseparable, are not the same thing- not exactly. A person can be religious and not spiritual just as one can be spiritual and not religious. 

                When it comes to these terms and others to describe a person’s belief system we must remember that everyone has their own path to follow and it is not our place to judge it. Though cults can take the form of religions they are not the same thing either and it is not wise to confuse the two, nor does it do a service to those who practice the beliefs in question.

                  I know Satanists get a lot of bad media, but they are no different than Christians. Each has good moral grounds, each has spots that need working on. I myself am Pagan. People come in all sizes, features, personalities- so why should our spiritual practices or lack thereof be any different?

                  I am Pagan, but a very eccentric one (more of a pantheistic polytheist, if you want to be precise). I draw my beliefs from many religious and lack thereof. Two of my favorite people in history were Buddha and Gandhi. They teach my soul such lessons and bring me such peace. They sing the wisdom of my heart and say the words of my philosophy. 

                 Myself and my spirituality are not likely to ever part ways- no matter which path I take or where I end up- my spiritual journey will always be there guiding me. I embrace the darkness. I embrace the light. I embrace the good, the bad, the things others may not want to see- I explore my soul and I embrace tolerance, individuality, and acceptance of all people no matter race, gender, sexual orientation, spirituality, etc…

                 Remember to follow the voice of your heart in all you do. Follow the voice of truth, harmony, wisdom, love and peace. These are the ingredients to happiness and understanding. If you are silent, it does not mean you are weak. It means you are strong enough to rise above it, strong enough to follow your heart. Strong enough to follow the way of love, even when that way is not the easiest. We’ll fall often- no one is perfect. But the point is to try. Understanding, tolerance, and peace within ourselves can show us how to live and make us truly happy. 

The Power of Thought or Simple Coincidence?

           

     A conversation with my dear friend, Nightwind, spurred this post. It was on the power of thought and separating coincidence from the force of the mind. 

             

                I hold a belief that we create our own realities based on what we think, what we feel, and how we view things. Buddha says it best with the quote “Everything we are is the result of what we have thought. What we think, we become.” Our thoughts are naught by energy our mind creates that alters the physical world to reflect these unspoken energies. 

               So what is coincidence and does such a thing exist? I’m not quite sure how to answer these questions. A coincidence would be, for lack of a better way to put it-two or more things that happen which do not relate to the other. 

               For example- you think of a song and few minutes later- the song comes on. Is this coincidence or the power of thought in action (or even some sort of extrasensory perception)? 

               Energy can be like a radar- a frequency. Our signals touch things, bounce off of them, and their signals back to us.  All things have energy, so it would not be far-fetched to say that just as our energy sends and receives signals, so too can we receive signals from others. Is this a form of telepathy that transcends our comprehension? Maybe. 

               So, do coincidences really occur- or are all things one large jig-saw puzzle and all pieces have a place? Or a domino effect where every action (or thought) has a reaction? I’m not sure. I suppose it is up for each person to figure out on their own. 

               For me, I do not view anything in life as being an accident or coincidence. Everything happens for a reason and it is up to us to figure out what that reason is and learn from it. 

 So, dear reader- I leave it to you: 

 Pro-Coincidence or No-Coincidence? 

Why?

The Self

    

              In society people are often told that they simply don’t cut it. Either their attire is horrid, their body type is unacceptable, or for whatever reason one can think of people can be unfit for ‘decent’ society. Media often does not help the idea on what exactly human perfection is, causing many people to have low self-esteem and have little to no confidence in their appearance.This can lead to destructive behaviors and disorders which is overall unhealthy- to both body and soul.

           This should not be so. I often wonder why we let media and other people tell us how we should look. People come in all shapes and sizes. People have different tastes in hairstyles and attire. How is right and who is wrong? All are right and no one is wrong. People should have the ability to decide for themselves what is liked and who they are.

           Oftentimes it is difficult to be yourself in a world so unforgiving. It is easier to conform that to be happy with who you are, who you were meant to be. What is lost in taking that path is the person you could have been, the potential only you had. To be yourself takes great courage, but it is a courage needed, valued, and looked up to by others fighting for the strength to be who they are.

          The media should not decide your image for you.  Your weight, your height, your face, your voice, your body type, your hair, your everything- it is all you. Not them. Never be afraid to express yourself, no matter the opposition. It is better to be who you are, than to go through your life trying to be what others expect. No matter how hard you try to please everyone- everyone will always come up lacking and someone will find something to fault you for- no matter what you do. So please yourself, be happy with yourself. If you can’t be proud of who you are, if you don’t know who you are- then how accurately can other people know these things?

           Be yourself. It’s the best thing you can do for your soul. Don’t know who you are?  There is no time like right now to find out. 

Accept Yourself, because you are beautiful just being you! 

Bisexuality and Sexual Orientation

            Most people who know me know that I am bisexual. There are many stereotypes about bisexuals that simply are not true. We are greedy, we do not actually exist, we are confused, we need to pick a side, we are not able to commit. These things are false. To say a person can only love one gender is like saying one can only love someone with blue eyes. It is not greedy to be able to fall in love and be attracted to more than one gender. If anything, it shows how much love the person can possess.

             What I hate to hear the most is that bisexuals do not exist. We are simply confused individuals who need to choose a side and stick with it. Sadly, this idea is very prevalent within the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered (LGBT) community. It is hurtful to know that the people who are treated as second class citizens, the brunt of bullies and social opposition, would choose to ignore, and scorn, the sexual orientation of one of their own, so to speak (that is to say someone who is not heterosexual).

              It is any wonder then, why heterosexuals do not often take the LGBT community seriously when there is so much fighting within? Since when did the community get so stuck up that only certain people who be this or that and NO ONE could be this way or that way. It sometime seems as if the only orientations welcome in the community is lesbian and gay, as Transgendered often feels the brunt of ostracism even more acutely that bisexuals. Now would challenge and say that transgender doesn’t belong because it is not a sexual preference, it is a gender identity.

             The thing about transgendered is it can (I say can, but it depends on the person) take a transgendered a long time to understand that he or she is in fact transgendered. They can often question their sexual orientation and wonder where they fit in within a world that is cisgendered and heretosexual. Lesbians, gays, and bisexuals can often feel the same volatile emotions as we figure out who we are. Quite frankly, we are a minority and as we have been the brunt of cruelty, I feel that the community should not embrace cruelty to others, no matter their gender or orientation.

             On this same score, heterosexuals need to stop the hate just as much as some LGBT need to do. Countless lives taken, countless lives destroyed, countless CHILDREN who have opts to end it rather than face another day of bullying. It needs to end and it needs to end now. Religion and politics are no reason to throw tolerance to the winds and treat people as if they were scum or less than human. If a religion teaches hate and it is all you learn from that religion, the religion and your thoughts on it need to be reevaluated. If you practice hatred of others because a politician does, then you need to reevaluate that politician and why you agree.

            You can imagine how hard it can be for some bisexuals. Many times bisexuals are not accepted in the LGBT community. Nor are bisexuals accepted in a heterosexual community. We are neither. No, we are not half gay and half straight. We are not some type of hybrid human. We are bisexual and there is nothing hybrid about it.

            Nor should we be forced to choose a side, which many bisexuals end up doing through pressure from friends, family, and community. But there is not choice. Being with a man for the rest of my life would make me no more straight that being with a woman the rest of my life would make me a lesbian. Does that mean I would cheat, lack commitment, and not be able to stay faithful should I find someone I want to be in a relationship with?

            Of course not. A person can be married and think someone is attractive and might ponder the sexual possibility but never act on it. Most (if not all) people do this already, namely with actors and actresses. It is an attraction, not an impulse and a lack of control that causes us to have sexual relations with every consenting adult we come into contact with.

           I believe the biggest problem with the LGBT community, as well as the heterosexual majority is that there is a substantial lack of education. People make assumptions and snap judgments and never seek to discover the truth. They believe what they are told and never seek to delve deeper.

We need to delve deeper and see everyone as humans with emotions and stop hating each other based on our differences. A sexual orientation (though from some I do believe it may be a preference) is not one a person can change, at least I don’t believe it is. Bisexuals cannot change for you or anyone and acceptance is easier on the soul than hatred is. We should give it a try. It’s rather peaceful on the tolerant side of the fence. Will you join me?