Bend or Break

         

   “The branch that does not bend with the wind, 

will eventually break from the tree.”

           Though this saying varies depending on who says it, the meaning of the saying remains unchanged from retelling to retelling. If you do not give up some of yourself- if you do not conform, then you will eventually be forced into submission from your opponent(s). Now, with that being said as the basics for the saying, I am going to focus on the specific saying of the one I quoted for purposes of this post.

            When I was little, I was often told this by different people. “Bend or break” they would tell me. I felt then that breaking was the worst thing that could ever happen. Breaking denotes negative connotations, and surely that could not be a path one would want to follow. Breaking also meant passing the threshold of insanity and I, in my youth, had no inclination of being thought of as ‘one of those people with a mental illness’.

            But as I grew older, and I started finding my own way, the old common sense saying took on a newer, deeper meaning to me. It is that newfound meaning I learned so long ago that I will share with you now in hopes that if you had not thought of it before, the breaking will now be slightly more illuminating and less scary for you. 

             First, let us make sure we all understand what the first part of the saying entails so there is no miscommunication based on assumptions. “The branch that does not bend with the wind…”. In my mind the branch is you, your neighbor, your friend, your child, your lover, etc…the branch is all of us. Bending with the wind means conforming to the obstacles around you, to go with the flow and do as the others do. That is to say, do as your peers, culture, religion, etc...expects of you. So put it in layman’s terms “People who do not do as peers or cultures want them to do…”

            Now, for the second part of the saying “…will eventually break from the tree.” Eventually, obviously implies that one day it will happen. I do not agree with this. Though the likelihood is great- not everyone will break. To break implies many things. To break from one’s sanity or to become mentally unstable. To break or become alienated or ‘excommunicated’ from their roots. For myself, the tree is the roots.  This can be a hard notion to wrap one’s head around. Losing your roots or foundations means you could lose your friends, family, religion, your personality or even your life.           

            When I say lose your personality, I mean that in the sense as I knew it mostly as a child. If you do not conform, others will force you to and in the process you’ll be beaten and broken and only half of who you were, so it is best never to have that taste to begin with (which I no longer believe to be true). So the new phrase becomes “People who do not do as peers or cultures want them to do, may someday leave their foundations.”

             I learned to take a different approach. Why must breaking be a bad thing? If you are at the point where the force of your oppressors can break you- should you not embrace the break instead of letting yourself be defeated by becoming as they are? Yes, you may well break away from the tree that you hold dear- whatever form that tree may take in your life (that is to say your comfort zone, your roots, your foundation), but what this saying fails to point out is that breaking away isn’t the end of the world. Where one breaks, another life can start and it paves the way for a better life. That leaving of your roots or foundation or even comfort zones means finding new comforts, new roots, new foundations.

          So my new saying is this: 

“People who do not do as peers or cultures want them to do , 

may someday leave their foundations and find new roots to comfort them.” 

          If you do not conform, if you want your own life separate from what others force on you- it means you must break away from those things that hold you to that lifestyle of enslavement to their norms.Of course, no lifestyle should ever go against logical governmental laws and you shouldn’t intentionally harm people in your quest to be who you are, but sometimes- being who you are does mean leaving it behind (at least in your personal life and free time). But leaving it behind is not always a bad thing. You find people like yourself, you learn, you grow, you love, and you move on. This is life. Let’s be more than poster children of conformity. Let’s be us. We do it better than anyone else.