Bisexuality and Sexual Orientation

            Most people who know me know that I am bisexual. There are many stereotypes about bisexuals that simply are not true. We are greedy, we do not actually exist, we are confused, we need to pick a side, we are not able to commit. These things are false. To say a person can only love one gender is like saying one can only love someone with blue eyes. It is not greedy to be able to fall in love and be attracted to more than one gender. If anything, it shows how much love the person can possess.

             What I hate to hear the most is that bisexuals do not exist. We are simply confused individuals who need to choose a side and stick with it. Sadly, this idea is very prevalent within the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered (LGBT) community. It is hurtful to know that the people who are treated as second class citizens, the brunt of bullies and social opposition, would choose to ignore, and scorn, the sexual orientation of one of their own, so to speak (that is to say someone who is not heterosexual).

              It is any wonder then, why heterosexuals do not often take the LGBT community seriously when there is so much fighting within? Since when did the community get so stuck up that only certain people who be this or that and NO ONE could be this way or that way. It sometime seems as if the only orientations welcome in the community is lesbian and gay, as Transgendered often feels the brunt of ostracism even more acutely that bisexuals. Now would challenge and say that transgender doesn’t belong because it is not a sexual preference, it is a gender identity.

             The thing about transgendered is it can (I say can, but it depends on the person) take a transgendered a long time to understand that he or she is in fact transgendered. They can often question their sexual orientation and wonder where they fit in within a world that is cisgendered and heretosexual. Lesbians, gays, and bisexuals can often feel the same volatile emotions as we figure out who we are. Quite frankly, we are a minority and as we have been the brunt of cruelty, I feel that the community should not embrace cruelty to others, no matter their gender or orientation.

             On this same score, heterosexuals need to stop the hate just as much as some LGBT need to do. Countless lives taken, countless lives destroyed, countless CHILDREN who have opts to end it rather than face another day of bullying. It needs to end and it needs to end now. Religion and politics are no reason to throw tolerance to the winds and treat people as if they were scum or less than human. If a religion teaches hate and it is all you learn from that religion, the religion and your thoughts on it need to be reevaluated. If you practice hatred of others because a politician does, then you need to reevaluate that politician and why you agree.

            You can imagine how hard it can be for some bisexuals. Many times bisexuals are not accepted in the LGBT community. Nor are bisexuals accepted in a heterosexual community. We are neither. No, we are not half gay and half straight. We are not some type of hybrid human. We are bisexual and there is nothing hybrid about it.

            Nor should we be forced to choose a side, which many bisexuals end up doing through pressure from friends, family, and community. But there is not choice. Being with a man for the rest of my life would make me no more straight that being with a woman the rest of my life would make me a lesbian. Does that mean I would cheat, lack commitment, and not be able to stay faithful should I find someone I want to be in a relationship with?

            Of course not. A person can be married and think someone is attractive and might ponder the sexual possibility but never act on it. Most (if not all) people do this already, namely with actors and actresses. It is an attraction, not an impulse and a lack of control that causes us to have sexual relations with every consenting adult we come into contact with.

           I believe the biggest problem with the LGBT community, as well as the heterosexual majority is that there is a substantial lack of education. People make assumptions and snap judgments and never seek to discover the truth. They believe what they are told and never seek to delve deeper.

We need to delve deeper and see everyone as humans with emotions and stop hating each other based on our differences. A sexual orientation (though from some I do believe it may be a preference) is not one a person can change, at least I don’t believe it is. Bisexuals cannot change for you or anyone and acceptance is easier on the soul than hatred is. We should give it a try. It’s rather peaceful on the tolerant side of the fence. Will you join me? 

Invoking Hate While Pleading Tolerance

First of all, I hope that everyone had a wonderful World Goth Day on the 22^nd. 

          I wanted to continue my thoughts on morality and bullying, but change it slightly, so I have decided to talk of Sophie Lancaster as well as hate and tolerance in general.

          I am sure many Goths are very familiar with the name of Sophie Lancaster and her story, so I am not going to go into the greatest details on it. The basics are that Sophie and her boyfriend, Robert, were walking in a public park, were seen by a small group of teenage boys and attacked for their attire, which was Goth in nature. First they attacked Robert, and Sophie, pleading for his life, was attacked next. Her boyfriend lived, but she did not. As far as I know, those involved still see nothing wrong with what they did and felt it justified because they were Goths.

         What is it about those who are different that instills so much hate in people? Why are people so quick to be negative and harsh and cruel, but hesitate to be kind and stand up in a respectful manner for what they believe in?

         Sophie and Robert did nothing to elicit any sort of crime against them and no one deserves that sort of treatment regardless. But people are quick to judge, quick to slander, quick to hurt. People often forget that we are all human.

         I have always found it sad that media and others tend to portray Goth in such a negative fashion. More often than not, people have an image of what Goth is that is not true and this image invokes hate which can lead to horrible actions and deadly consequences. At this same time, I have found that Goths tend to be passive and tolerant, accepting of others and their lifestyles and beliefs. Not at all as we are portrayed by so many venues.

         Then we have the very few that are role models in the media. Take for instance Abby from NCIS. She is a good Goth role model. However, though I love Abby’s character, she is used more often than not as a ‘kinky’ sex symbol.I don't exactly see this as a good thing. Not all Goths are sexy, and not all Goths are kinky in bed. Goth is a music subculture, not a BDSM, satanic orgy what consists of vampirism and loose morals. (not that there is anything wrong with BDSM, Satanism, orgies, or vampirism if that is what you like!)

         What I find most depressing about the violence against Sophie and Robert (other than Sophie’s death) is that Sophie pleaded to be left alone. Even in such a perilous situation, she was pleading tolerance. And they had not listened, they had not cared.

         Hate is a terrible thing. It can eat the soul, destroy your humanity. It can make you angry and lash out at others. Hate is not healthy and one should always be mindful of the hate they carry and try to understand why they carry it, and if possible rid yourself of it.

          No one deserves to die for being different. No one deserves hate. And no one deserves to be treated uncivilly. I think we, as people, have largely forgotten what to do with humanity. All the fighting, all the senseless deaths and intolerance. Sophie should never have had to die .she should not have been a martyr for the Goth subculture. No one should.

          I often think that people are so quick to hurt others and cause negativity because it is easier than standing up for yourself and being kind. But then, as mentioned in my last post, I also think there is a bloodthirsty part of us that people simply long for and it shows every now and then in our actions towards others and towards ourselves.

          Let’s stop the hate, people. Because another instance like Sophie Lancaster and Robert Maltby should never happen. Sophie’s mother started the S.O.P.H.I.E Foundation in honor of her daughter. It S.O.P.H.I.E stands for “Stomp Out Prejudice, Hatred, and Intolerance Everywhere.” I hope we can someday do just that. 

Let Us Stomp Out Violence Everywhere

(In Gothic Memory Of Sophie Lancaster)

Oh, let us stomp out violence everywhere

May its hatred and pain forever cease

Let us stomp out violence everywhere

So our souls can rest in peace

They vowed to be together forever

But forever came to soon

As hand in hand they walked in the park

In the light of a midnight moon

The teenagers seen them coming

They laughed at them and jeered

They did not care that they were people

As they looked and hated and sneered

Oh, let us stomp out violence everywhere

May its hatred and pain forever cease

Let us stomp out violence everywhere

So our souls can rest in peace

Time seemed to stop its ticking

As the group lead them into hell

Unconscious the boyfriend then laid

And to his side the girlfriend fell

She pleaded for his life

His bleeding head within her hands

But instead of letting it rest

They ignored her suffering demands

Oh, let us stomp out violence everywhere

May its hatred and pain forever cease

Let us stomp out violence everywhere

So our souls can rest in peace

They focused then on her

They beat and kicked her head

Only when the damage had been done

Did they leave them to their bloody bed

The couple was rushed to the hospital

But the help for one came too late

Though the boyfriend would live

She had met her fate

Oh, let us stomp out violence everywhere

May its hatred and pain forever cease

Let us stomp out violence everywhere

So our souls can rest in peace

She was a stunning beauty

Her life but a moment in time

A life full of potential ended

By such a foolish crime

Let us Stomp Out Prejudice

Hate and Intolerance Everywhere

Let the violence end with us

And show others how to care.

Oh, let us stomp out violence everywhere

May is hatred and pain forever cease

Let us stomp out violence everywhere

So our souls can rest in peace

-Midi

December 2009