Memento Mori

                                                   “All things change and we with them.”

             Firstly, let me apologize for not posting this yesterday as I meant to. Life became suddenly hectic and I, quite frankly, forgot about posting this until about half an hour ago. It has not helped that my internet connection has been spotty at best for the past few days. I beg your forgiveness and I hope I do not get so caught up that I forget again. You all have my deepest regrets. So without further complications, here is my post on Memento Mori! 

               It is a basic human fact that all things will eventually die. Old, young, rich, poor, healthy or ill. Everything will eventually meet this fate. When I say everything I certainly do meant everything: Humans, grass, trees, fish, stars, planets, even our own universe (or multi-verse) will surrender to death. In fact, death is likely one of the very few absolute truths that I, myself, believe in.

               On a whole, humanity would like to forget our current 100% morality rate. It is easier to go on with our day-to-day and simply ignore death, and only begrudgingly greet it when death comes near to our hearts. But we must not forget. We must keep the awareness close to us always.

               One method humanity takes to remind us of this natural ordeal is through a form of artwork called “Momento Mori”. Simply translated it means “Remember your Mortality.” This form of artwork has been around for centuries, constantly reminding us of what we would wish to avoid. It consists in many forms from simple skulls and skeletons to Victorian pictures of the dead and ‘ghost pictures’ which was once popular in the Victorian era.

              Though, according to Wikipedia, it is a Christian art dating back to Roman times, there is no doubt that the art form remains prevalent even into modern day. Not only does this phrase extend to artwork, but also in movies, novels, music and video games. We all need the reminder that we will all one day parish. To forget would be folly. But to fear would be unwise, for death will happen to all and fearing the inevitable would be a waste of the time we are given. Simply remember your mortality, so that you may live while you can.

The following song is called Memento Mori by Kamelot, a power metal band. 

(Picture created by Tom Bagshaw)

Death and Moving On

This month’s theme revolves around topics of death and moving on. The following is the projected schedule for August:

2.      Memento Mori

·         A post on the fact that all things will eventually die; a look at the artwork surrounding this fact.

·         Saturday, August 4^th.

3.      Carpe Nocturne

·         Seize the night while you still can

·         Tuesday, August 7^th.

4.      Bella Morte

·         Beautiful death. Explores necromancy and necrophilia.

·         Saturday, August 11^th.

5.      Danse Macabre

·         How people Dance with dance

·         Tuesday, August 14^th

6.      Losing A Loved One

·         Explores the pain felt at losing a loved one.

·         Saturday , August 18^th.

7.      A Pet’s Passing

·         Because pets are part of our lives to.

·         Tuesday, August 21st.

8.      Letting Go

·         Letting go and moving on.

·         Saturday, August 25^st.

9.      A New Day

·         Starting over without the one you love

·         Tuesday, August 28^th.

10.  Overview

·         A recap

·         Friday, August 31st.

Oh, and Happy Lughnasadh!

Changes

        

 Starting next month, I will be making notable changes to my blog. These changes you may like, or you may not, but I hope they prove to be enlightening.

      

                 I will be keeping the layout of my blog, I will also be keeping the background and the name “Voces Nocturna”, simply because I like it and I need no other reason than that. I do plan on changing the title text and maybe a few other things. However, those changes are small compared to the direction I am taking in the manner of how I post and what I post.  

                For the past few months, I have been trying to figure out my pace and how I want things to look.  I have never had a blog before, you understand (you might be able to tell!) and I have finding my way around how I want it to look and feel. Since starting my blog, I have posted strictly on what I thought about at the time. This was acceptable, but not productive.

               I’ve had many ideas, some of which I have posted, others that have fallen short. My OCD cringes at this, as I love to explore all the directions of my thoughts. However, last month, I posted a lot on tolerance and acceptance, and by doing that the entire month, I believe I have found my niche and I finally see my direction. I owe this to my Friend, Nightwind. Through a discussion with him I made a post on Relative Morality and from there, things became less chaotic.

               Every month will now be themed with a general idea. This general idea will be expounded on with every subsequent post during that month. Because the months will now be themed I will have no set amount of posts per month. However, I am going to do my best to post at least 5 posts per month, and up to 15 posts or even more depending on the theme, with an average of about 6-8 posts per month. I will still continue to post on Saturdays, and will also try to post every Tuesday, depending on the topic. I may post other days as well, again depending on the theme and how many posts I plan to make during it.

             On the first of every month, I will attempt to post an overview of the theme, the topics to be discussed within the theme, and the days I plan to post each topic. On the last day of each month, I may or may not recap all that the month discussed. Since deciding on this method, I have been oddly joyful. My obsessive-compulsiveness has found a direction within this blog and my mind is at ease. Already I have every month from August of 2012 through January 2015 planned out to every last detail.

            I also reserve the right (seeing as how it is my blog) to post off topic depending on the holiday or occasion. I may also post other misc. posts depending on what is going on in my life, or posts may be delayed because of life events. However, I will try to always be as accurate as possible, as in-depth as possible, and as precise as I say I will be.

            As always, I love your feedback. If there is a particular theme you’d like to see me dedicate a month to, do let me know! I can always change my roll call to accommodate my readers. If I am working on a theme and you would like a see a certain topic presented in the theme that I am not going to mention, let me know and I will do my best to fit it in.

           On the topic of comments, I would like to say one more thing. In this blog- I am God. I am Goddess. I am the Universe. As such, it is my divine right to delete any comment someone will post if I find I do not want it there. Call that what you will. However, this is my Mt. Olympus and its appearance and the posts within it are strictly up to my desire. If you are a known troll and/or simply looking to cause trouble, despite how rational the fallacy or argument is- I will delete your sorry ass and if it continues I will block you from my blog. I do not mind healthy debate and intellectual discourse, civil disagreement, and even respectful grievances, but I will decide what stays and what goes and without second thought if I do not want it on my blog- you will be banished faster than Medusa can turn a man to stone.

            I am the Creator here, and if god doesn’t need a reason to strike people dead, neither do I need a reason to send you to Hades- without a coin for Charon, I might add! If you don’t like it, then simply don’t comment or don’t read my blog. I’m not doing this for popularity, but simply because I like it. If others like it too, that’s great. If not, that is okay as well. Just keep the attitude off my blog because I will not tolerate it from anyone. The vibe of my blog is not conceited arrogance with a side of hate and it will stay that way. Please keep that in mind or else, again, the dark goddess of this blog will delete and possibly block you. 

If you wish to know more on my opinion on this subject then CLICK HERE. Though it is written for a forum, I apply the same ideas to my blog. 

Now, back to my regularly scheduled pleasantries…

         I hope the coming posts will be viewed with expectation and I did not strike utter horror into the hearts of my readers.  As it is, I look forward to August 1^st and I hope you do as well. Until then I leave you with a song...

Midi 102

           Since I will not, for quite some time be posting anything specifically about me (which, honestly, is probably a good thing) I decided to make this post about myself as I did the last one. Am I Narcissistic much? Eh, maybe. However, as stated, this will be the last insight into my personal self in this way for quite a while due to changes I will be making to this blog-which I will inform everyone on next week. I have been planning for a few weeks now and am very excited about it!

             Last week I posted some things about me that I hope allowed you to see some of the bad things about myself. You can breathe a sigh of relief now if you thought I planned on blowing my own horn with self-praise within this post. I do not. Actually, this post has no real direction or attitude it simply is whatever I make the next sentence out to be. Life is like that too, when you stop to think about it. You learn as you go.

             Hmm, so I guess when discussing myself it would be wise to stick to the topics that interest me most in this point in time. I have already mentioned my bisexuality, my stance on marriage equality, my pagan beliefs, etc… all that is really left, perhaps, would be my subcultural affiliation and other tidbits about yours truly. So here’s a summary of Midi on subjects I will not really be discussing in the next weeks, months, or even years.

            My maiden name is Angelea Beatrice Sakai. I am a 25 year old female, who is very eccentric. I am, for all intent and purposes, divorced. Luckily my ex husband and I were adults about the split. It was a mutual understanding and we are on wonderful terms, which I am very happy about as I consider him a good friend despite our incompatibility as a married couple. As for my personal relationship(s) I’d rather not say, at least not at this time other than to say it is simply ‘complicated’, but isn’t everything?

            I have two beautiful children. My daughter will be six in December and my son will be five in May. I cannot have any more children, as I had surgery to stop that particular condition from happening again. Believe it or not, I am also pro-choice. I would never give up my children nor do I regret having them. My kids are my life, however I understand that this is different for everyone and as it is a woman’s body, I firmly believe it is her right to choose whether or not to give birth to a child or care for that child.

           I love animals. I currently have one dog and three cats. All pets that I have ever had (past and present) are named after the gods. Hestia is my pit bull / Chihuahua mix (pure blood on both sides). She is completely white (And yes, that is annoying to my attire). Her breed causes her to be sick often, but she's a wonderful dog and is very loving and gentle with my children.
          Nyx is my black cat and I also consider her my familiar. Sterotypical? Maybe. But I love my Nyx insanely. In return, I also happen to be the only person or animal my Nyx actually likes. She constantly picks fights with the other other cats, ignores the dog, doesn't like my kids, and avoids everyone except me. She still sleeps with me every night.
          Isis is my Egyptian Mau and she’s a sweet cat. She recently got pregnant (forgot to spay her-that was amended) and gave birth to two kitten. One died and we named her Bastet. Her living kitten we named Horus. What? Like I could resist that particular blasphemy? If she had been named Mary, rest assured, the kitten’s name would have been Jesus. Anyway, moving on…

           I consider myself to be darkly-inclined, and I embrace the Goth subculture. I will say that I do not really think someone should call themselves Goth without listening to the music (Gothic Rock) and knowing the history behind it, however I am in no way an elitist about Goth nor do I care what others think I am when it comes to this subject. I often think it best to say that I am simply gothic and not Goth, in an attempt to avoid all the bullshit that goes with the term, but eh. I haven’t yet and likely will not do so. To each their own and quite frankly, I really don’t give a shit what others do in most regards.

           Lately, I have had much debate on atheistic paganism and whether or not such a thing can actually exist. I prefer to call it Pantheistic paganism. Pantheism is not atheism, but it is damn close and I accept atheism as a healthy dose of rationality (gods know that is rather lacking in many areas of today’s society). If ever I were to quit my spirituality for any reason (not likely to ever happen) I would be proud to call myself an atheist. I honestly don’t understand the hate against Satanism, paganism, etc…and those who lack religious beliefs. It is not your soul- therefore not your concern. Let us just get over it and move on with our lives.  Anyway, my spiritual beliefs are much like my sexuality. You can claim all you like that bisexuals do not exist, but I am living proof we do.

             My ethnicity is Hawaiian/Japanese, and I’m told also Native American and German. I blame all of this on why I am short (only 5’1) with dark hair and eyes. However, I do not look the least bit Hawaiian or Japanese. I simply look like…well, me. Whether this is a good thing, or a bad thing depends on my mood. I’m mostly content and that’s all that matters.

             I love body modification, any type or form of body modification- however extreme, even if I don’t find the modification particularly (sexually) appealing. I have four tattoos and eight piercings. I have a music sleeve on my left arm that is currently unfinished which starts at my inside wrist and goes up to my shoulder. I have a black rose tattoo on and my left breast which wraps around, a triple goddess pagan tattoo with LGBT stars and bisexual flag colors around it. In the center of the triple goddess symbol is a tiger’s eye yin-yang. The last one is a dragon on my right shoulder blade that I got done behind a bar at 17.

             I want my ears gauged and plan on many more tattoos and piercings. At one time I had about 20 piercings, four of which were microdermals (aka, implants) across my right eyebrow, but they came out. I currently have a tongue piercing, one whole in each ear, and the right side of my lip done. The others piercing locations I will not disclose. I plan on getting my right eyebrow redone again. I am also considering getting a black stoned microdermal in the center of my head to represent a permanent dark Bindi.  Am I crazy, do you think? I probably am. That doesn’t change me, though.

             I love psychology. I am a psychology major and I want to use my knowledge to help Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered people. Psychological theories never fail to amaze me and I love to learn about them. Actually, I just love science in general. I am terrible with numbers, though. And when I say terrible, never take that as an understatement. I REALLY suck at math.

             I am certainly diverse, but at the moment, this is all I think I really wish to disclose. Hopefully this post allows you more insight into me. If it has, you can take it negatively or positively- it’s your prerogative. I am simply the creator of a blog you happen to be reading. Who I am will have little standing (or will it?) on what I write about in the future, so I wanted to take the time to let you know little facts about me. And now you know! 

Midi 101

               I have heard it said by friends and certain family members that still like me (for some odd reason) that I am a good person, that I have a kind heart, an old soul. To these people, I would like to take the time to give them my most humble thanks of their assessment of my character. People tend to find me to be nice, tolerant and accepting because of the things I do and the things I say and believe in.

               However, do not be fooled, dear readers. I am in no way saintly or good natured, not really. I am nothing more than a beast, a wild person who has tamed the madness enough to seem sane and wise and good. I try to live up to my expectations of morality. I follow the words of Gandhi and Buddha, of Confucius and Lao-zi. I hear the voice of my heart echoed in the trees and in the goodness of humanity. But is that enough to label me a good person?

              After all any idiot can believe in tolerance and equality. Anyone with half a brain can bite their tongue and learn their manners. Are my beliefs enough, are my motives strong enough, is my soul good enough to have people think me to be a person so highly thought of? I think not.

              I have faults. I curse nearly constantly and I enjoy it. I judge people, though I try not to. I do think some people really are fucking stupid and often wish that natural selection would work a bit faster and more efficiently without humanity trying to slow the process down. 

              As you see, this is only the beginning. This is what you don't often see through my writing. I have more faults than most like to admit to having, but at least I fess up to them and I own them and acknowledge them. Shall I continue, do you think? Well, I shall. 

              I have many, many hateful thoughts fill my head every day, hell- every hour. These thoughts mostly revolve around Christianity and conservative thinking (which I am working on). I find stupid, mean things to be funny depending on what it is and can be very evil in my thoughts, no matter how hard I try to purge them. I can be heartless in my assessments and my trust and loyalty once lost will never be regained.

             I am horribly, insanely stubborn and unemotional in most cases. I simply do not grasp the emotional tirades of others, they scare me a little if I am honest. I need to be eased into emotional problems. Yet the irony of this is that I can be (given the circumstance) an emotional and sensitive person.I feel love, hate, kindness, compassion, etc...but at times I feel so alienated when people express these emotions and often have problems expressing them myself unless I feel extremely at ease with that person. Funny, then, that I choose psychology as my profession. I do desire to help people- I just have little tolerance for ignorance, stupidity or blame. Maybe tough love can be helpful here?

              I am the most picky eater a person could ever not wish to meet. I like only certain kinds of music and television shows. I have no interest outside of things that do not already interest me.  It can be a very confining box. I never want to explore something new until I am feel I am ready to grasp it fully and enjoy the ride. I can go headstrong into some things and never start other things. I am probably much too sexual for a female (hell for anyone!), but on the positive side of this- I am smart about it. I tend not to have a filter on what I say, the gods know I wish I did sometimes, and find myself being open and honest about who I am even when it is best I keep silent.

              The list of my faults could drag on and on for pages. I try to live a good life, a productive life. I try to listen, understand, and practice my spirituality. I fight for what I believe is right and fully believe in standing up for what I know to be right, even if I am the only one standing in the end. I am not afraid to live on the odd side of society and seek my own path. I love the life I have chosen to live. I embrace being Goth, my pagan lifestyle and spirituality, my sexuality, my everything- the good and bad. I am willing to look into my soul and see what needs to be changed and work on myself so that these changes can occur. I look into my darkness and I find myself.

              In the end, I guess that is all any of us can ever do. For those who think I am a good person- again, I thank you. Know, however, that as good of a person as I can seem, that I can be very hateful- I have very evil moments, very bad moments. But that is okay. I’m learning, just like everyone else. 

 My friend, I am not what I seem. Seeming is but a garment I wear--a care-woven garment that protects me from thy questionings and thee from my negligence. The "I" in me, my friend, dwells in the house of silence, and therein it shall remain for ever more, unperceived, unapproachable.

I would not have thee believe in what I say nor trust in what I do--for my words are naught but thy own thoughts in sound and my deeds thy own hopes in action. When thou sayest, "The wind bloweth eastward," I say, "Aye it doth blow eastward"; for I would not have thee know that my mind doth not dwell upon the wind but upon the sea. Thou canst not understand my seafaring thoughts, nor would I have thee understand. I would be at sea alone.

When it is day with thee, my friend, it is night with me; yet even then I speak of the noontide that dances upon the hills and of the purple shadow that steals its way across the valley; for thou canst not hear the songs of my darkness nor see my wings beating against the stars--and I fain would not have thee hear or see. I would be with night alone.

When thou ascendest to thy Heaven I descend to my Hell--even then thou callest to me across the unbridgeable gulf, "My companion, my comrade," and I call back to thee, "My comrade, my companion"--for I would not have thee see my Hell. The flame would burn thy eyesight and the smoke would crowd thy nostrils. And I love my Hell too well to have thee visit it. I would be in Hell alone.

Thou lovest Truth and Beauty and Righteousness; and I for thy sake say it is well and seemly to love these things. But in my heart I laught at thy love. Yet I would not have thee see my laughter. I would laugh alone. My friend, thou art good and cautious and wise; nay, thou art perfect--and I, too, speak with thee wisely and cautiously. And yet I am mad. But I mask my madness. I would be mad alone. My friend, thou art not my friend, but how shall I make thee understand? My path is not thy path, yet together we walk, hand in hand.

Exert from "The Madman" by Khalil Gibran.

Project Pagan Enough

              The first blog I ever read was a pagan blog by my friend Minty (and thanks for following my own blog, Minty!). Her blog called "Minty's Mumblings"  was quite wonderful to me and so I sat down and started reading it from beginning to that point in time. A logo on her blog caught my eye which said "Project Pagan Enough." Well, I clicked on the logo and was taken to another blog.

         The blog was created by someone calling himself “Fire Lyte.” Under his brief introduction to himself was a summary so compelling that it made me truly curious about his blog called “Inciting A Riot”.  Well, his brief biography made me utterly curious (even more so than I was before)  and I began to read the page. 

               The page on the blog was called “Project Pagan Enough.” I read the page and was utterly entranced by what I read- it spoke to my heart, my soul, my brain, and every sense of logic and reason and even emotion that I possessed. In its simplicity “Project Pagan Enough” seeks to bring a live-and-let-live mentality to the pagan community, as well as other religious belief systems.

               This is an attempt to stop all the in-fighting and the name calling such as ‘playgan’ and the like. It is a project that hopes to bring pagans together instead of tearing us all apart because of differences, elitists and fundamentalists. It is a way of saying “Just stop, listen, understand, and tolerate.” This not only applies to other pagans who another pagan may not see as ‘pagan enough’ but also applies to being tolerate to all other religions as well.

               Some might wonder why such a project is needed- believe me it is. Paganism has its fundamentalists just like any other belief system. Now, in the pagan community, there is a lot of in-fighting, name calling, bullying, and otherwise vile behavior that should never be exhibited from a pagan. 

               This stems a lot from having different ideas of belief. There are no set laws in paganism (thank the gods) and even 'harm none' can be relative to the person practicing. Pagans can vary from being extremists to barely functioning spiritual individuals. Hell, there are even atheistic pagans out there (like myself- and that is to say pagans to do not necessarily believe in a creator or the actual existence and living, breathing gods who actually give a damn about humanity). We come in all forms of beliefs, ideas, rituals, practices, appearances, personalities, and walks of life.

                No other pagan should harshly judge another pagan’s path. It is simply too diverse. Likewise, all other religions are diverse and deserve respect. According to “Project Pagan Enough” when a pagan decides to embrace this movement, they are making, essentially, five promises- which are as follows:

1.      You are Pagan Enough, because you try fervently to explore what it means to be pagan and apply it to your life, despite your physical appearance, personal tastes, level of experience, or other factor that others might use to say you are not pagan.

2.        You recognize others are Pagan Enough despite how they may look, act, or believe, as long as that person feels they are fervently seeking the divine on a pagan path.

3.       You attempt to debate those that have opposing viewpoints, learning from one another despite how passionate the debate becomes, instead of simply writing others off for not being up to your standard of ‘pagan’.

4.        You welcome, befriend, and encourage others in the pagan community despite their physical appearance, level of experience, age, or other physical or superficial characteristic.

5.       You promise to treat members of other religions and spiritual paths with equality, fairness, and grace, setting a good example for the Pagan community both in and out of the community, not judging the individuals based on fringe members of their same faith.

             I love how the page later states that the five promises are like the five points of pentacle. If you are pagan you know that the pentacle/pentagram is the five pointed star. These points represent balance, protection and harmony (among other things, depending on who you are and your personal beliefs on the subject). These points symbolize the elements that are fire, air, earth, water, and spirit. So, let us harmonize now in the name of peace and tolerance and declare that all who walk the pagan path are, indeed, pagan enough and all other religions are worth their salt as well! 

I am Midi, and I AM Pagan Enough!

With Freedom and Justice for All

       Today is a day of celebration in my country. Today is the American Independence Day. Many, many people died so that our freedom from England could be obtained. Blood, weeping, decay, and horrors beyond or imagination took place for America to have the freedom so many now freely enjoy. Our 'founding fathers' were not perfect. So many of them had their own prejudices, such as practicing human ownership (slavery).
       However, a document was written, and dictations set forth that to this day continue to oversee our country. The Declaration of Independence is likely considered one of America's greatest of documents- yet today we use it as a battlefield and it's meaning for some is as shallow as a river that is running dry. In this document it states that all men are created equal...that all people deserve justice and freedom.
      Yet, America has yet to live up to this expectation. We boost of being a free country, but where is that freedom? Yes, we are freer than many other countries, but we certainly are not the ones who can boost about being everything our Declaration of Independence declares us to be.
     At one time, all are created equal- unless you were a slave. All are created equal- but only if you are not homosexual.  All are created equal- so long as you have the money and the power. All are created equal? Not in this bloody reality.
     In reality not all are created equal in the eyes of the law. Justice applies to those who can afford it or those born into it. For others there is no equality, no justice. There is no equality when a Gay, Lesbian (or Bisexual, etc...) cannot marry their partner of 20 years. It is not justice when a child is taken from a good and loving home because the parents are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgendered. It is not freedom when you cannot marry the one you love or raise your children together because of bigoted opinions and bias laws (and law enforcers).
     Equality is a woman's right to her own body, the freedom to marry who you love, to share in the equality that others have. Even gender-related issues are still taking place in America. Hell, more often than not people want to blame a woman when she is raped, rather than holding her rapist accountable for his foul actions. Is that justice? I do not believe so.
      Now, I love my country and I know that America is a wonderful place to live- but it is not the only wonderful place to live. It certainly isn't if you are treated as a second class citizen for whatever reason. It certainly doesn't feel like it when the funeral of your loved one is picketed by protestors who know nothing about the person who has moved on.
     America is not perfect. Some days, I am very proud to be an American. Other days, I am wholeheartedly ashamed of her. But I will support her. I support America with my votes, my voice, my activism in the issues I believe in. But until prejudice can be set aside. Until women are equal with men (and we have that illusion of gender equality, but the reality can be quite different from the fantasy), until EVERYONE CAN MARRY WHO THEY LOVE, until money does not dictate justice- then America- in my opinion, is not living up to her full expectations.
   So on this day of my country's Independence, I reflect not only on the things I love about my country, but on the areas that need improvement.